Hangin King: For Tonight's show my special guest is the Pawn. Please give him a round of applause.

Hangin King: Good afternoon son.
Pawn: Hi.

Hangin King: So what do Pawns like about Chess?
Pawn: We like hanging out with the castled King and Rook.

Hangin King:  Really, why is that?
Pawn: Well the King and Rook are funny when they get rowdy. We hear a lot of funny stories.

Hangin King: Really, ok let's change the subject. So what do you want to be when you grow up?
Pawn: I want to be the King. it's good to be the King.

Hangin King: Ha, ha, ha, youíre too funny. But you can only have one King.
Pawn:  But I donít want to be a Queen. I know some of the female Pawns would like to grow up to be Queens, but us male Pawns want to be the King. 

Hangin King: Oh gosh of course, I didnít realize there were male and female Pawns.

Hangin King: How would you improve the game?
Pawn: Well sometimes us Pawns donít want to be promoted. We want to stay little. So sometimes when we advance to the 8th rank, we might want to go to graduate school or maybe just turn around and go home. Some of us donít feel we need to get to the 8th rank. Some of us want to be Knights. So we should be promoted to Knights after reaching the 5th rank and after reaching the 6th rank we should be promote to a Rook.

Hangin King: Fascinating, what are your hobbies?
Pawns: I like to run and play. I wish I could move two squares at a time anytime I wanted.

Hangin King:  Favorite piece?
Pawn:   The King and Queen, we love them dearly.

Hangin King:  Worst piece?
Pawn: We hate those piggy Rooks especially the ones on the 7th rank. They move way to quickly. They act like wild pigs. it's very scary to be an unprotected pawn.

Hangin King: Really, that must be horrifying?
Pawn: Yes it is, especially if there are two of them.

Hangin King: What is your pet peeve?
Pawn: Being lonely and isolated on an open file and being chased down by a Rook. it's not fair they move so quickly.  We also hate it when some patzer sacrifices us for the initiative. We especially hate being called POISON.

Hangin King: Well, aren't pawns sometimes poison?  Didn't Bobby Fischer lose in the 11th game of the 1972 World Championship Match because he took a poison pawn?
Pawn: Yes, that's true, but we are not poison. it's like anything else, we are fine if taken in moderation. it's like eatng ice cream during breakfast or eating too much ice cream. you could get a tummy ache.

Hangin King: Well how does this equate to chess?
Pawn: Well you shouldn't take too many pawns during the opening phase of the game, it can make you lazy and you fall behind in development.
Hangin King: Oh, that's my problem.

Hangin King:  So when you put the question to the Bishop, what question do you ask?
Pawn: Don't tell anyone, but[Giggling]  I don't know what to ask the Bishop, I'm too shy.

Hangin King: So who is better the Bishop or the Knight?
Pawn: Well don't tell the Bishop, the Knight is better. The Bishops are always complaining about us Pawns. They say we block their diagonals but,  it's not our fault.  it's not our fault the Bishops can't jump over us like the Knights can.

Hangin King: Oh I see.

Hangin King: Thanks for being on the show.